Life from the rear-view mirror

Remembering Lori Warner ( July 12, 1962- June 12, 2010) ….Vol 79

July 5, 2014 | Comment

57908_1543190414150_511515_nFour years ago today…Lori, my wife of nearly 19 years went home to be with the Lord after a three and half year battle with cancer. Sadly…so many people I know have lost that battle…while some I know are still waging the war.

I wasn’t sure just how to remember Lori today…On one hand, we want to remember what a wonderful mom, wife and friend she was. On the other hand…the three and half years of struggle, pain, despair mixed with faith and hope were a roller coaster of emotion that took every shred of energy and faith we had.

For the last 6 months or so I shared a caretaker role with Lori’s  family while I tried to keep the kids moving forward…all the while praying for a miracle but living with the reality that so many families of cancer patients have…we were going to have to say good-bye to mom soon. I struggled with how the kids would see God through this experience. Lori and I talked to the kids a lot to try and offer some sort of explanation… to provide some sort of comfort. We prayed that God’s will would be done but I think we prayed harder that He would just heal mom. In the end, God chose to take her home. 

Would the kids ever understand this agonizing loss at all?  Would they be mad at God for taking their mom…would they recover, would they survive this at all? As I write this my heart still aches for what Brendan, Leah, Evan and Brett will miss and never know of their mom.

And… how all that pain, ache, and longing never really goes away.

For me …with the pain of loss comes the regrets and the “what if’s.” Lori has been in heaven for four years now but sometimes the loss seems like such an open wound. I’ll confess that the regrets sometimes keep me from being the father and now husband of Kathy Warner that I should be…and want to be.

Thankfully God is in control of both our “rememberers and our forgetters!”  We remember yesterday but we live for today. And today the kids are doing well and have a great relationship with Kathy. There are still rough days…and rough ones still ahead.

But one day we’ll all be reunited…what a joy as a believer to know that truth! What confidence it gives us to move forward even when it hurts.

Hebrews 13:5

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