Sometimes I wish my past wasn’t so accessible….Vol 68
Facebook offers easy access to Memory Lane. Sometimes I wish it didn’t. Sometimes I wish it was inconvenient to get to painful memories. Why couldn’t Norton make a firewall for our brain? The problem is there is lot I actually want to remember…have to remember (and a lot that God wants us to remember) but this last hour on Facebook has been tough.
Tonight….er…this morning…I took yet another trip down memory lane.
It’s sad when memories sting instead of soothe. When they are filled with regret instead of rejoicing.
Recently I wrote about some of the “do-overs” God has given me in my past…and I’m so grateful for them. But for all I “know” about doing what’s right…I’m sickened by the times I didn’t. (I was going to say “couldn’t do right”…but that’s just not true.) At the time of the wrong decision it’s like I hear God say “Do you want your consequence now…or later?” It just seems to work that way for me.
Integrity is a discipline that must be practiced in every circumstance of life…not just when it’s convenient. Whether it is a debt that was never repaid, a relationship that was never mended or a word that should never have been said. If I am to be a man of integrity (and if I want my sons and daughter to be people of integrity)…it’s all on me.
Integrity is a decision I have to make at every crossroad of choice.
This morning I am realizing once again that I made some bad choices along the way. Some I have recovered from…others I haven’t. 20 years later there are still people in my life I’m ashamed to approach. And this morning those memories are painful…
Sometimes you don’t get a second chance to do it right the first time.
God doesn’t spare us our memories. If we confess, He forgives and restores…but I’m convinced He leaves behind some of the natural consequences of disobedience…like painful memories.
He doesn’t intend for us to live here….to wallow here…like some of us do. But for me, very early this morning… it’s a marker, a reminder that God has called us to right thinking, right living, right relationships. He not only calls us to them but empowers us to embody them through the Holy Spirit.
So despite my best advice to me…I have parked on memory lane for a bit this morning…and am a bit saddened at the man I should have been in many circumstances. But I’m moving on…I’m not going to stay here.
As long as I can still “fog a mirror” God has something else for me to do…to do right with His help.
I choose to be a man of integrity…I choose to be a man after God’s own heart.