Life from the rear-view mirror

At least I have options….Vol 41

May 9, 2013 | Comment

32370_10151118367503807_1499017859_nMy brother was married a long time before me. He described marriage to me this way…
“It’s like the two of you willingly get in a car together with no door handles on the inside…and then God locks the doors from the outside.”

That was not what I wanted to hear. That was scary. That made me think about whether I could make that commitment…whether I wanted to make that commitment. That one example alone was a primary reason I waited until 35 to get married.

Today many folks go into marriage with a sense of “If this doesn’t work out…at least I have options” Wow. That speaks volumes. It says to me this is what I want right now…I’m not sure about how I’ll handle this later…like when she ticks  me off, or spends too much, or doesn’t parent the way I would, or doesn’t meet my needs the way I think she should. Hey…I wanted this to work…but it’s not working…time to look at my options.

It’s really about choices. I’m going to choose to love despite how I feel…despite the way my partner behaves…even when I don’t get the “better” part of “for better or worse” I love because that’s how God loved, and loves me. He gets the “worse” of me a whole lot more than the “better” …and never leaves, never forsakes., is always loving, always hopeful that we will be the person he created us to be and wants to help us to be. He is totally, unconditionally committed to loving us no matter what.

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For nearly 19 years I had the opportunity to be married to a great gal. We had four incredible kids together. We didn’t have a great marriage. No one likes to take the blame for that… but as leader of the home…the blame falls on me. I stayed. There were a lot of reasons I stayed..some of them less noble than others, but none more important than the promise I made to her before God. I believe God energized that promise and brought my parents to mind who have loved each other and stayed together for 64 years…despite both of them being less loving than they should have been at times.

Beautiful people have it harder when things get tough at home. They know they can step out of a marriage at any time and find something, or someone else. That is a powerful drug…choice..options. It’s addictive…it’s deadly.

For me…I tried to put blinders on when I got married. I only wanted to see one option…the one I chose, the woman I was married to. And by God’s grace Lori was all I saw and all I wanted. The Lord took her home…but gave me Kathy… and now she is all I see and the only one I want. Will I be a jerk at times…you bet…(I am really good at that.) Will we both be unloving to each other at times….I hope not…but we probably will be. Regardless…I will stay. I will love this woman God has given me. I will refuse to look at any options and honor her above me. I can’t do it on my own….but the same God who energized my marriage with Lori, energized this marriage and His will is for me to love Kathy till I go home.

What about you? Are things tough? Are you considering your options? Consider this. Jesus had some options. We certainly weren’t worth his sacrifice and unconditional love…but He loved us….loves us …anyway. (He doesn’t even need blinders.) As his bride we’ve been cantankerous, grumpy, disobedient, willful, prideful, and just downright sinful. Yet he still loves us and desires His best for us. We know what it feels like to be loved the way he asks us to love our spouses.

May God give us blinders to options…may the windshield of our lives be filled with the image of our spouse. The one God gave us to love like he loves us.

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