Memories are powerful.
The right set of circumstances … The right emotional petri dish and you can be transported back to a moment in time… in a heartbeat…in a heartbreak.
It’s 2:38 am and I’ve just pulled into the Wegman’s parking lot… Why? The circumstances were right and I was emotionally ripe, I guess.
Kathy and I had a great dinner tonight with one of her work colleagues. Nice conversation. Good meal. Relaxing evening. Then, back home to the family where it was low key….winding down for bed. I fell asleep watching one of my new favorite shows on TV.
For whatever reason 2:30 am rolled around, and I was up. Rusty was crying to go out for a little private time… But when I opened the slider and the 24 degree air hit him in the nose … He decided he could wait. I decided maybe a nice cup of tea would help relax me and maybe I could salvage the rest of the night.
I rustled through the basket where we keep the herbal teas and found “sleepy time” …perfect. I filled up the mug with water… dropped a couple bags in the mug… popped it in the microwave and waited the two minutes. Pulled the mug out of the microwave ready to add the honey but the smell of the tea, just a whiff really…took me back to 2007 and a home/clinic in Redwood, CA…. and cancer.
When Lori and I first walked into the home this same tea was brewing. In fact the tea was available 24/7 so the smell of it permeated the home. It was meant to be welcoming…even comforting … and it was…then.
Tonight, it was just a vivid memory of three and a half years of suffering, pain, death, loss and loneliness. It didn’t matter that just a few hours before I had been laughing and enjoying rich conversation with Kathy and Ryan. Right now I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t bear the memories. And I couldn’t shake the feeling…I had to leave. I had to try and change focus. I had to remind myself of what God has done recently … even today. So I’m here at Wegman’s sitting in my car…writing.
God has wired us all differently. We all have an ability to deal with stress… but not in the same way. Regardless of how you have to deal with it, or choose to deal with it, God’s promise remains. That He will be with you. For me, that promise is tattooed on my left shoulder (really) and it just says “Never Alone” Hebrews 13:5
I would never wish the loss of a loved one on my worst enemy. Especially the loss of a mom. Yet God demonstrates His love so much that while we were yet sinners and far from him, he allowed his only son Jesus to die on a cross for our sin… paving the road to heaven for us with God’s supreme sacrifice… God’s most painful loss…all for you and me.